my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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