Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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