that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
