He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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