Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
