Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fuck appropriateness.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize