i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
