is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
