we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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