when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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