ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
