I showed him my bush... on skype.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
