We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
