you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
