I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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