She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
