I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
