I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
