Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
