don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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