can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
