Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your penis caused this!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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