Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
