what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
