I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
