How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
from now on my penis is your penis
pop tarts are not kleenex
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
