Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
