Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
