the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
