you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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