She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
