Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm at about main and main street
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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