I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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