I accidentally had phone sex last night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
