Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
