when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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