doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
