so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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