the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
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Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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