i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
