U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it because I queefed?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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