My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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