we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
