her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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