There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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