dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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