the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
