When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
