i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i would punch a child for taco bell
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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