all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
