I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
