i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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