You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
