the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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