Heybabeimwearingurpanties
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
