i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will be naked everywhere
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
