Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
