i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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