They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So many bounce houses so little time
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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