You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
