Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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