Where is the hickey?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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