I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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