And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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