I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
