that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
